This is not what I had planned.

K so let me preface this post by saying that I know everything I usually write about is really light hearted and fun but this post will be more on the serious side. Let's be honest though not TO serious.

For some reason it was brought to my attention the other day that I will be turning 25 26 here in a few months. *tear*
Yes, yes I know 26 is not old, and I don't think so either.
Its just that if you would have told me that I would still be single and living with my parents at 26 I would have laughed my butt off at you.
I had plans you guys. Not huge career plans or anything like that just plans for what I thought I would be doing and where I would be by this age. And single and living with my parents was not on the Agenda. Not even close.

See, when I was younger I was very innocent/ and or Ignorant (whichever you prefer) and because my parents had gotten married when they were 20 and then had me right away I just assumed that's how my story would unfold also.

I truly believe I was put on this earth to be a wife and a mother. I believe it's what God has called me to do. So when I assumed I would be married and having kids really young I was totally ok with that. Which is probably the reason I hung on to the crazy idea that my life would look just like my parents.
I remember when kids were filling out scholarship applications and trying to pick which college to go to I was daydreaming of when I would meet my husband. I had zero interest in going to college. And some people might think I was just lazy and not motivated but now I know that wasn't it. I just was not called to go to college. Some people just aren't meant to go to college. Whether or not you agree with that I don't really care.

Now fast forward 8 years and I am still daydreaming about meeting my husband and coming up with as many ridiculous baby names as I can. I have people who sometimes ask me "Aren't you supposed to be married with like 3 kids by now?" Well according to my plans yes I was. But thank God that he had different plans for me. Looking back at myself when I was 20 I was so not ready for marriage. If I had gotten married at that age it quite possibly would have been to the wrong person and who knows if it would have lasted. Don't get me wrong I am totally not bashing young marriages at all! I think it's awesome when people find their significant other and are able to get married at a young age, that just means more years you get to spend with them, which is fantastic :)

But.....
I would be lying though if I said I don't occasionally think
"man I just wish I was married already" or......
"omg my eggs are dying, I don't have much baby making time left"
 JK.
 kind of.
But that's when I tell myself that God's plans are greater then mine. He knows what's best for me. It all comes down to having faith in knowing that God does have a plan for me (Jer 29:11) and plans for an abundant life (John 10:10)  and that he has given me the desires that I hold in my heart. And also trusting that his plans are far greater then any plans I could come up with myself.

Side note: I have a bone to pick with everyone that says "You have to be content being by yourself and quit wanting to get married before God will bring you your husband"
Being ok with not having a significant other I do agree with. I don't need a boyfriend/husband to bring me joy, Jesus does that. But I believe the desire to be married is God given and to try and push it aside and pretend its not there is just crazy.
Yes I really, really desire to be married.
Does that make me desperate?
Absolutely not.
If I was I would have probably already settled.

So all of that to say that am not even close to being where I thought I would be at almost 26 years old.
Am I ok with that?
On most days yes because it just makes me excited knowing and anticipating the great things God does have planned for me if I am just patient and obedient to his word. But I mean I'm human so some days I still can allow myself to become bitter about my plans not panning out. And On those days I just take it to God.
When I have negative thoughts come in my head about it I try and nip them in the bud because if allow them to hang around to long they then tend to turn into complaining and so I've found myself recently saying "I want your will, not mine Lord. Have your way in my life"
Sometimes I have to tell myself this several times a day. The more I say it though, the quieter those negative and unsatisfying thoughts are until eventually I don't hear them anymore.
I would suggest trying it the next time something doesn't go your way. I say it even when it's simple things like for example if I thought I was going to have time to take a nap one day and then realized I really wouldn't have time(I like my sleep people!) I will say "Your will, not mine Lord"
In that specific scenario I will say an extra prayer because when I don't have a nap I need a holy spirit intervention to get through the day (but for real). This may seem silly to you but I believe God cares about the little things, like when I am exhausted and my hair is doing that weird poofy/frizzy/ugly thing.

Now you know all the not so secret plans I had for myself when I was 18. And how they didn't happen.
But again, its cool.
What would also be cool is if when you all wish me Happy Birthday this year if you just pretend I am turning 25 again k??
Thanks peeps, you da' best!

Oh look, me jumping for joy and I'm not even married yet. Imagine that.

I'm out.
-Jamie